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Status Quo/Wembley

QUITE A LOT of people I know seem to reckon that Status Quo are some kind of English Grand Funk, which I don't really see.

No, Status Quo are far, far crasser.

Why, at Wembley even their fans seemed to have sussed out that this place was just a little too big for a band like Quo to take on, and accordingly started staging Some real Rolling Stones' sized battles with the commissionaires about twenty minutes before the band were even due - almost to relieve them of some of the pressure as it were.

Now another common fallacy Status Quo is that they are some kind of killer heavy metal group which they most certainly are not and never have been. But when they came on stage it was immediately apparent that someone had whispered something to this effect in their ears.

Francis Rossi and Richard Parfitt started off with some worn-out hamfisted guitar solo trading for the first couple of numbersa lthough they soon seemed to realize that this was not only not assisting their music but actually making it worse.

So for the rest of the set Status Quo reverted to their standard chunky rock 'n' roll boogie, hunched over and jousing with their guitars and now and then linking hair around John Coghlan's drum-kit to increase the spread of dandruff.

However, having managed to achieve some vague semblance of musical unity there was still the problem of the vocals.

Rossi, when he leaves his guitar playing alone and takes over at the mike (he would appear to have difficulty combining the two together), is capable of producing a nasal whine resembling a not unattractive young Lonnie Donegan, as we heard notably on "Claudine", "Roll Over Lay Down", and on "Caroline", one of the numbers the band played for an encore.

Bassist Alan Lancaster, on the other hand, sounds as if his vocal chords have been dipped in creosote for a couple of weeks.

And so, of course, it was Lancaster who seemed to be given the lion's share of the vocals and who, even accepting that the PA mix was utterly diabolical, delivered such strange sounds from his throat that assisted Status Quo to become the only band I've yet heard capable of goofing up "Johnny B. Goode."

Lancaster also took the lead vocals on a curious, convoluted version of "Roadhouse Blues", during which Rossi presided over some weird Quo ritual which involved them playing a jig to get, as he put it, "the guv'nor leap of all time" out of the audience.

Bizarre indeed.

Status Quo are even such a load of lamebrains that they'd gone and done something which no other bill-topping act likes to even contemplate - they'd found a support act who could wipe the floor with them.

Montrose, an American band, resemble and initially sound like Led Zeppelin with blown-in hair, though once they get into full swing their spluttering, brain-pounding urban rock puts out a positive force that most U.S. bands seem no longer equipped to channel.

However, within the terms of reference of Status Quo it's not really of importance that another band may be more musically adept.

The fact is that Status Quo as boogie band is a good idea gone haywire which has ended up as immaculate insanity.

Chris Salewicz.